Down with the sickness

The other day my beloved Red Sox went out and signed Marco Scutaro from the Toronto Blue Jays. Before he could be signed he had to go through a special workout to ensure that he was fully recovered from plantar fasciitis‏ that had plagued him the at the end of last season. I didn't know what that was but it sounded serious. I'm not so sure my team should be signing a guy with an affliction that sounded so serious. So I looked it up on medicinenet.com. Turns out it's an inflammation to the foot. The name is actually overrated when compared to the seriousness to the affliction. I then proceeded to get distracted by medicinenet.com and went looking for other cool disease names and which ones I might like to get. Here are some of the ones I've found:

- Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm : Next time I call in sick to work I'm using this one. "Ah, yeah sorry boss I've got abdominal aortic aneurysm and I won't be coming in today."

- Aches Pain & Fever : The Trifecta! Every other commercial in America tries to sell you a pill for this. God forbid they should every find one that works. They might lose profit margin.

- Amenorrhea : We wish

-Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis: Otherwise known as Lou Gehrigs Disease. How cool is it to have a disease named after you? Mine would probably be lame. Mark Anderson's Disease would likely lead to the chronic inability to shave or something.

-Landau-Kleffner Syndrome: Doesn't have the same ring as Lou Gerhig's does it?

-Hydrocephalus: Sounds like an allergy to Greek Mythology

-Agoraphobia: You mean it's not the fear of 70's carpet?

-Latex Allergy: Also known as "Catholics"

-Achondroplasia: Just a side note on this. I refuse to be offended by the idea of Dwarf Tossing until the dwarfs stop allowing themselves to be tossed. (The clip is a must see. A 9.5 on the unitentional comedy scale)

Anal Fissure: What happens between a man and another man is really none of my business.

Ankylosing Spondylitis: I don't know what the hell it is but it sounds serious.

Paroxysmal Supraventricular Tachycardia: Even better! (...or worse.)

Binswangers Disease: I don't know who this Binswanger is but he's no Lou Gehrig!

Bioterrorism: It's actually listed on the website (probably American). They thought Saddam had this but it turned out he didn't but it is contagious and has apparently spread to Iran.

Black Plague : Get all medival on your ass!

Mad Cow Disease: Has to be one of the best names ever. Simple yet sounds really serious but yet somehow funny at the same time.

Gilbert Syndrome: One of the syptoms is the urge to sing showtunes.

De Quervains Tenosynovitis: Can a brother get some help with the pronunciation?

Diffuse Idiopathic Skeletal Hyperostosis: My winner for the most serious sounding disease. I much prefer Mad Cow.

Discogram: Easlily cured by listening to The Clash 2/3 times daily until syptoms clear.